So, today marks the first endo appointment that has brought me to tears since diagnosis a little over two years ago. Was the doctor mean? Were DD's numbers crazy? Did they tell us we're messing things up? No, no, and no. No, instead the doctor sat directly in front of me and told me to stop worrying so much, we are good parents, we are doing everything right, and these numbers are not grades. Yeah.... I lost it with that.
Three weeks on the pump and *I* don't see any difference-- DD's still swinging from 300's down to the 50's on an almost daily basis. The endo says that overall her blood sugars ARE improving, and that we're expecting too much, that with time things will get much better. She even showed me how good her A1C would be if we just calculated it based on just a couple of days since pumping. I know that in the logical part of my brain, but I'm still frustrated. I just want to FIX this stupid disease, and I can't.
Today our endo taught me (DH had to leave to get our son from preschool) all about temporary basal settings and encouraged me to "play" with them as much as I want to.... but also told me to stop if I start feeling overwhelmed. (Gee, what made her think I'd hit that point? The fresh tears? LOL!) Reading up on them before we got them pump, I thought they sounded great- a quick setting to adjust for an expected low during sports, or a bump up when I know she's going to run high. Today? I'm not sure my brain fried self can be trusted to do those kinds of trial-and-error calculations.
Frustrated and sleep deprived and crying in the endo's office.... that's me. Most days I am optimistic and ready to kick some d-butt, but today's not one of those days.
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