So, today marks the first endo appointment that has brought me to tears since diagnosis a little over two years ago. Was the doctor mean? Were DD's numbers crazy? Did they tell us we're messing things up? No, no, and no. No, instead the doctor sat directly in front of me and told me to stop worrying so much, we are good parents, we are doing everything right, and these numbers are not grades. Yeah.... I lost it with that.
Three weeks on the pump and *I* don't see any difference-- DD's still swinging from 300's down to the 50's on an almost daily basis. The endo says that overall her blood sugars ARE improving, and that we're expecting too much, that with time things will get much better. She even showed me how good her A1C would be if we just calculated it based on just a couple of days since pumping. I know that in the logical part of my brain, but I'm still frustrated. I just want to FIX this stupid disease, and I can't.
Today our endo taught me (DH had to leave to get our son from preschool) all about temporary basal settings and encouraged me to "play" with them as much as I want to.... but also told me to stop if I start feeling overwhelmed. (Gee, what made her think I'd hit that point? The fresh tears? LOL!) Reading up on them before we got them pump, I thought they sounded great- a quick setting to adjust for an expected low during sports, or a bump up when I know she's going to run high. Today? I'm not sure my brain fried self can be trusted to do those kinds of trial-and-error calculations.
Frustrated and sleep deprived and crying in the endo's office.... that's me. Most days I am optimistic and ready to kick some d-butt, but today's not one of those days.
This post may contain sponsored reviews or affiliate links. You can read my policy here. I always provide my honest opinions.
oh Amy you are me and I is you! First 3 weeks of pumping I was about readt to toss it in the trash. Now I cant imagine not pumping. Temp basals are a god send seriously.. We use them for J all the time. Lower for wild play higher for resistant highs and it really makes pumping become an art. Give it time and know its not you its the D. It will never be perfect but soon you will get into the swing of things. i can tell you I was just there in June. ((((((hugs)))))))on another note how does she like pumping?
ReplyDeleteWe had a really rough transition...that was back in 2007, and I have to admit that it took me about 8 weeks before I decided for certain that I could tolerate it for another 8 weeks. In fact, 6 months later, she had the highest A1c EVER!!! Oh, but the glory of getting through the learning curve....oh,it's SO WORTH it!!!! Hang in there :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know much about diabetes, my grandma had it but just took a daily insulin shot. However, I feel for you, as I do have a special needs son. *hugs* to you!!
ReplyDeleteI know I've said it already a couple times (just today since discovering your blog!) but I'm really grateful that I did. My grandfather has had juvenile diabetes for over thirty years (it came on late... he collapsed in his office the day before leaving to run a marathon) and while he always managed it himself, he can no longer remember to take any sort of medication or test. My mom has taken over... but the transition has been tough... she follows the chart but he goes from 50 to 500 frequently. And he's been in the ER quite a bit this year (and then in the hospital a bit too). It's so scary... and the pressure on my mom these days is insane... because his life literally seems to be in her hands some days...
ReplyDeleteI know this is an older post... And I hope your little one is doing well! Prayers!